Supermarket Wars: Answering questions

 

Some of the questions I get asked I give answers that can be a little sarcastic and some misadventure mixed in

 

Lady looks at the shelf turns to me and asks “Why is the shelf empty and do you have the product, if not why not?”

Me looking at the shelf, pulls the box out and brings the product behind forward

Lady :”Oh”

 

Asked why the shelf is empty for a certain soft drink

Me: “People buy them”

 

Asked what time the delivery truck with the load arrives

Me: “How long is a piece of string?”

Also me “When it arrives”

 

People ask for the cold petfood. I send them down the petfood aisle. I happen to be watching them walk to the aisle look without going down it and walk back

Tell me its not there.

I tell them there is a fridge at the other end of that aisle

 

Asked where is the frozen vege

Me “In the freezer”

Blank look “Down such and such aisle”

 

Asked for where something is

Me “Aisle 10”

Them “Aisle 6”

Not correcting them until they tell me its not down that aisle and then I tell them I had said 10

 

Asked why we no longer have a product and if its ever coming back. I reply that I don’t know why as I don’t have that information.

Their answer to me “You don’t care”

 

Lady getting upset that I walked past her with a trolley

“You almost hit me”

Me “Did you want me to try again?”. Her husband is laughing at my comment

The art of mishearing things at work

 

Been a few years since I wrote in this blog. I really should post more in this especially since I have worked in a supermarket for nearly 20 years. I tend to say stuff that could get me into trouble in an office setting

 

I work in the cold section and can mishear things or sometimes words don’t really register.

 

Guy comes up to me and asks for Toe food. Turns out it was Tofu

 

People come up to me and start asking for Keenwa when it started to become popular, I have no idea until I find out how its spelt and pronounced Quinoa

 

Acai, although I keep pronouncing as Akasi even though its wrong and in my head it seems right

 

Someone comes up and asks for Ees. Turns out its eggs and because the person main language isn’t English it can be interesting to figure out, but mobile phones and internet helps when they have a picture.

 

Guy asks for Lancer and I say we don’t have it until I realise he is saying Garfield’s favourite food Lasagne

The power of IF!

If I eat a book am I a bookworm? If I drink water am I a fish? If I wear tights am I a tightass? If I get more tattoos will I look scary? If I sail down the Nile am I in denial? If I walk the street am I a street walker? If I walk around the block have I gone anywhere?

If I wear a wok will I look like a samurai warrior? If I wear suspenders and a bra will I be a lumberjack? If I wear a loincloth will I be tazan? If I stand in the freezer will I be an Eskimo? If I have holes in my shirt am I holy? If I wear my underwear on the outside am I a superhero? If I am standing in smoke and in a hot sun am I smoking hot?

Normal day at work

Baton the hatches, lock up the food stores, Computers gain sentience and spout the numbers 42. Old ladies skip down the aisles, old men play boomerang with their false teeth, people slam their hands in car doors just for a red hand.... Brad is finally off to that magical place, living the dream called work.

Well it has come around again. Call the national guard, arm the cricket bats with springs, chuck slinkies down stairs, Send the military to line dancing classes, SAS to Tango classes, Import tigers that attack on command, deploy the mini robots, activate the mind control to buy the expensive things. Fire the hypno toad. Cover me I am going to work

Next time I get a call about a virus on my computer I should ask if I have to hook the romulan to gigawatts that have klingons draining the light boosters to the motherboard that is ramming the ROM drive into the squiggy dipstick. Skynet is going to ask why me in my computer before going digital pop and click

The time has come for the Lords of the Dance to emerge as protectors of the world, Goblins rise up out of the ground, The great horned man wanders the earth singing ACDC, Genies appear from Arabian nights to grant twisted wishes, Ghosts mass against masseuses, Body armour fitted with lazy rays, Gas that mutate mutants - I am off to work eventually

Time for work, deploy the cannons, Let loose the Chihuahua's of war, The pugs of New Caledonia, The snipers of Ni, Body armour stolen from the 29th Century, A horde of smart ass barbarian Huns and the bored colonists of Australia

Hi ho hi ho off to work I go. Gadget powers check, ninjas check, body armour check, power ranger powers check, the power to charm peoples socks off check, the power to the dark side check, insane doomsday weapon charging

Load up the camels, prepare the AT-AT imperial Walkers, Alert the temple of NOD, Send a telegram to the Russians, Email the American army to deploy, Send in the babies with cattle prods, Tell NASA to send Soviets to the moon, Release the Oompa Loompas with extreme caution, Throw grandmas into the shops swinging their handbags - I am going to work cover me!

Nearly that time of day again. That time where I let loose a plague of ninjas, Oompa Loompas, Munchkins, Strap on body armour, Tazer, place snipers and Centrelink personnel in strategic locations. At least I get to wear a footy shirt today, so I am in disguise.