Today in supermarket wars: plums
could not hitchike as they had no thumbs, berries were the best assassins as
they berried everyone, grapes tried to dispute the number 42, pears went
undercover as apples
Today in supermarket wars:-
Evolution stopped at the supermarket and knocked, God was looking at lightbulbs
wondering what sort he wanted and to see if they were energy efficient, Jesus
went round and round in the revolving doors, Satan found chili dip too hot and
Peperoni peppery, The Vatican couldnt explain the babblefish- Scientology found
it too dry and the Latter Day Saints added sauce saying perfect,Noah went to
Bunnings after timber and returned with a kitchen
Today in supermarket wars: Jesus
couldnt figure out what to feed the masses french stick, whole meal or plain
bread, cask wine or top shelf. Watermelon found rockmelon was not rocky, aisle
two porthole broke sending people to the gulag and not fantasy land
Today in supermarket wars: Boba Fett
liked fetta, peanuts found they were not related to peas, Han solo sponsored by
Hahn, Redhead matches were fiery, Bananaboat suncream went bananas in Bahamas
Today in supermarket wars: vegemite
felt mighty with vegies, ice cream doesnt scream or shout about the ice, pine
nuts were pining, French dip didnt take tips, cauliflower wishex it was a
sunflower
Today in supermarket wars: party
pies like to party, sausage rolls just roll that way, the jafha like jaffers,
captain solo likes drinking solo on solo missions, Luke skywalker used the
power of the mars bar
Today in supermarket wars: Dim Sim
lost their Sim, pears wanted wool for a yarn, spring rolls had winter vegies,
Today in supermarket wars: cottage
cheese was homeless after the bank took the cottage, bakers earn some bread,
God found he needed more fibre, cooking cream got creamed after ruining the
cooking, pears were shady after finding shades of grey in peaches
Today in supermarket wars: glad wrap
was wrapped up bread, tomatoes thought they were potatoes, Jesus tried to
explain buddhist to the masses, God gave up trying to work out quantum physics
with pears and matches, scientists created a reaction when they split peas
Today in supermarket wars:- spam
cant read maps, coffee is not good for peas, chick peas do not grow into
chickens, spring onions and spring beans bounce everywhere, hobbits couldnt
reach the top shelves and find elves tasty, Sauron had to headhunt minions from
supermarkets, God is addicted to fortune cookies down aisle 9
Today in supermarket wars,
strawberry liked kisses, raspberries had a blue with blueberries, string beans
were mistaken for asparagus, rocket scientists tried using rocket and capsicans
by launching them, Russians hid amongst the lettuce hoping to be let in
Today in supermarket wars: ginger
snaps sakatas, thin chips crinkles, hot chooks liked the sauna, communist
prawns pawned pineapples, cerial killers were stopped by crunchy nuts
Today in supermarket wars: Jedi
became shelf stackers and the sith were on registers and jarjar binks and his
people were managers, princess armadla was caught ship lifting, Darth vader
loves fairy bread, emperor palpatine bought out the skin care range
Today in supermarket wars: topless
pineapples went sunbathing, bananas peeled in the sun and were a little green
while fishing in a boat, chutney chatted with coleslaw, blue berry and prune
were in a forbidden romance, aisle 4 supported string theory with strings,
Darth Vader loved the store lady selling urban wear
Today in supermarket wars : the big
bang was actually a balloon popping, Mary ate her little and wore lamb skin
boots, aisle 2 was a figment of aisle 4's imagination, aisle 1 has an imaginary
friend called Hector,
Today in supermarket wars : hypno
toad was used as anger management, Bender falls in love with a register, r2d2
thought the registers were talking dirty, the Easter bunny was held hostage by
a dozen chocoholics, quantum physics were performed by cabbages, grapefruit had
gripes against pears
Today in supermarket wars: an evil
genius had his lair under a shop and was called a manager, fresh produce was
able to build a death ray out of carrots, apples and mushrooms, a lost snow
patrol was found exiting the freezer on the other side of the world, Russia
invaded America by building a never ending supermarket
Today in supermarket wars:- Sam I am
was fined for selling Green Eggs and Ham, The cat in the hat was banned from
supermarkets world wide, The radioactive man was used as a nightlight, Avocados
dreamed of being pirates and wanted to make apples walk the plank, Barley had
parleys with Harley's and Parsnip, The Borg had trouble opening chip packets
Today in supermarket wars : zombies
were addicted to caffeine and made them jumpy, Jesus ran up an expensive bill
buying bread and wine, satan was framed by Santa pirating religious music,
pears thought they had an identity crisis when they seen shampoo, God was broke
and had to work on checkouts after bailing Jesus from his addictions
Today in supermarket wars : aisle 5
had temporal shifts, the space time continuum developed a tear down aisle 10,
eggs were so out of date baby dinosaurs hatched, milk gained sentient
intelligence after being mixed with breadcrumbs, beetroot became great artists
Today in Supermarket wars:- crunchy
nut cereal found they liked nobbys nuts and went a little nutty, breath mints
followed mint peas, baby peas went to mush while crying with peeling onions,
Police walked into the freezer and told everyone to freeze,
Today in Supermarket Wars:- The
droid army were turned into cash registers and self service registers with
attitude, Aliens declared war on Potatoes due to an insult, Spring beans were
used for bungy cord, Carrots liked heavy metal while cabbage had a thing for
classical
Today in supermarket wars, the world
evolves around supermarkets and they say the world is flat, tomatoes are
natural stealth technology ninjas keep it a secret, supermarkets are really the
source of religions
Today in Supermarket Wars:- God was
caught shoplifting and was asked to return the shopping centre, The Borg go
looking for ice cream to assimilate, Satan was stuck when his credit card was
declined and couldn't buy iced vovos, The Ninja Turtles were refused service
when trying to buy cigarettes, Batman was fired as security
Today in Supermarket Wars:-
Telemarketers join the congregation of the phone, The Japanese were found to be
whale hunting amongst the coleslaw, The Russians took a wrong turn in Siberia
and stepped out of a supermarket freezer in Woolworths, Mother in laws are
actually found in a can, Alphabet soup was missing a letter and couldnt spell
Today in Supermarket Wars: Wall
Street run by Elves and unicorns which explains the Occupy movement, Studies
shows The socks of Terrorists and world leaders smell the same, The
supermarkets in New York are really run by communist Prawns, Supermarkets in
China are owned by Monks with aisle one being harmony and tanks, Sheep own
shares in woolly jumpers
Today in supermarket wars: socks
have been responsible for many acts of terrorism, eve was charged with stealing
apples, communist prawns are really in power in America, The Bible and Harry
Potter have similarities both Eve and Voldemort speak to snakes.
Today in Supermarket Wars:- The
worlds biggest supermarkets are actually run by communist revolutionaries in
every country like Walmart and others, In a news exclusive - God admits that
Jesus was swapped at birth and was a test tube baby, The revolutionary
underground entrance is found behind feminine products in aisle 10, Milk shakes
are not cows who have had too much coffee, Booty is actually what is in the car
boot
Today in Supermarket Wars:- Types of
shop keepers and explanations. Mercenary shop keepers - fighting wars to keep
prices low, Big chain supermarkets - sells big chains for cheaper prices, Adult
shops - selling / hiring adults to children to attend functions their parents
can't attend, kids stores - hiring / trading / selling children to people who
want a child to show off or to exchange with a better model, Pet shops -
selling humans to animals for companions
Today in Supermarket Wars:- Cupid
outsources to the Mossad, USA military out sources personnel from Mexico and
India, Indian call centres out source to Hell for cheap labour, The old Soviet
Union is found amongst the stringy cheese, God is found in a bottle of juice
before he dissolves, Sherpas are found stuck in the freezer aisle after falling
through a crevasse in the Himalayas
Today in Supermarket Wars:-
Supermarkets become world powers, Mushrooms are speed demons, Future
governments are decided by carrots and beans, Future Japan hunt Aliens for
scientific purposes with harpoons, Satan visit shops for a mysterious herb for
his cooking show in America
Today in Supermarket Wars:- Santa
gives the present delivery contracts to the postal services of each country,
Elves are found to be a trip hazard in shopping centres, Supermarkets use
mercenaries to invade small nations, Future wars are conducted at the
checkouts. Spam brings down skynet and the Terminators
Today in Supermarket Wars:- Santa's
Elves try to Occupy the North Pole by working in call centres, To raise funds
the Vatican brings out hair care products, Dracula becomes Bankrupt after the
GFC and has to work on checkouts in a supermarket along with his harem,
Frankenstein's monster becomes a CEO on Wall Street, Zombies are next to Occupy
Wall Street as the Triffids appear, Godzilla eats God who tastes like smelly
boots
Today in Supermarket wars:- Santa's
favorite food is Reindeer, Santa has the elf economy where he trades an elf for
anything, China sells Santa coal for elves, Butterflies, Koalas and sloths are
tools of Satan in his image, Dragons biggest weakness are baked beans,
Dinosaurs were killed by dragons eating baked beans leading to global warming
Today in Supermarket wars:- Jesus
didn't die for our sins but faked his death to get away from a stalker called
Sin. God made earth in 7 days and on the 8th he received the bill, The Vatican
was really a Brewery and nuns were the bar wenches, Goblins were found
wandering aisle 2 looking for batteries for their brooms, Jedi like tofu, Sith
like their steak medium
Today in Supermarket Wars:- The
Rapture was not actually world ending, but a recipe for making beer, When Jesus
rose after 3 days it had taken him that long to recover from a bender, Adam and
Eve had problems with snakes in their apple orchard, Jesus and his followers
were actually after beer and the bible is their journey in search for beer,
Moses was not running from an army but debt collectors.
Today in Supermarket Wars:- Spiders
have been found doing the moonwalk, Jesus was caught shoplifting bread and fish
for the masses, Aisle 2 was found to be a conundrum, Spring onions were caught
wooing Stone fruit in French, One rotten tomato was bad news. Flying saucers
were hovering over the milk
Today in supermarket wars, tank tops
were ordered and the wrong parts turned up actual tank tops , leeks are not to
be transported by ship, Jack setup a business with the giants for tourism up
the beanstalk, Bananas in pajamas eat bananas.....
Today in Supermarket Wars, Ice does
not scream so stop trying, New movie Three pears and an apple, Baked Beans are
really a product produced by a doomsday cult, Blue berries are blue, Gods
favorite movie Armageddon and Fight Club, Prophets of Doom like picking wild
flowers and lumberjacks
Today in Supermarket Wars:- King
Kong and Donkey Kong realise Hong Kong is not a gorilla, research finds
Godzilla rampages when tofu is unavailable, Ghost busters are not plastic
surgeons, Skynet takes over Facebook.
Today in Supermarket Wars - Zombies
are always in a bad mood as they cant use can openers for their cans of baked beans.
We hear Brain, Brains and Urgh, Graaah. Problem is no one can understand zombie
language as its a dead language. Beer nuts are alcoholic gamblers, Turkish
Bread are actually Swedish.
Today in Supermarket wars,
artichokes choke when singing, Sherpas are needed to navigate the freezers,
Strawberry Yoghurt produces hallucinations, God went shopping and left 6 days
later with lightbulbs
Today in Supermarket Wars - spring
beans are used in vehicles, Snap lock bags break door locks, Customers like
watching hardcore Prawns and banana peeling
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